When I lie here with you, I'm sure that I'm real
by forgettheprotocol
Summary: Draco has always wanted something, and after truly looking into himself, he's found it. He's found out why he's so bitter, he envies everyone else for they have something he's never had. Love. Hermoine/Draco
1. 1

Draco stared at the mirror infront of him, avoiding the direct image of his reflection. He felt his eyes dash over the mirror quickly, trying to see if there was anything left of him. As he scanned over his image quickly, he felt destroyed. From the quick second he looked at himself he saw loneliness. Mirrors had the ability to show you what you really saw within yourself. Malfoy thought it was the most powerful magic of all, though it was not enchanted nor a magical tool. He looked at the rim of the mirror, still avoiding direct interaction. The small crystal details which outlined the mirror shimmered infront of him, their intricate carving was enough to make him shut his eyes abrubtly and force himself to push the jealousy away from his mind.

He tried to replace his jealousy with pure confidence. He looked back to the mirror, looking at himself. Hoping to see the same sort of beauty he had just witnessed. He saw blankness. His eyes were within dark circles and his shining blond hair, had become a dull colour with a grayish tint. Beyond his withering appearance, Malfoy saw something within himself.

He saw a desire. Malfoy had always had the normal desires of a dark teenage boy, after idolizing his father for so long. He'd wanted to devote himself to the Dark Lord. To learn about his ultimate supremecy, and his insane powers which Malfoy had always envied. He wanted to rid himself of all trouble-causing emotion, to not hesitate when preparing to kill someone. To not think about the overall consequences his mind would place on himself. He didn't want to feel guilt, he didn't want to feel sympathy. He wanted to feel nothing but alleigance. But this desire was most unlike his others, he had a desire to be in love. As this statement played over in his racing mind, he sneered at himself. He found love was for the weak, such as Harry Potter who evidently loved that traitor, Ginny Weasley. They needed others to depend on, to bring out the best in themselves. But Malfoy knew who brought out the absolute best in him.. Voldemort. Malfoy had hesitated on that thought, one particular girl. A girl he was forbidden by the Dark Lord's views to love. He wished he could feel for someone who was of His approval. But he could not, he could not manipulate his feelings anymore. Draco constantly thought about love as he often questioned whether his parents ever loved eachother. He always knew the answer. His parents became married so they could have someone as strong as their individual selves supporting them. Love was never a factor in their marriage. Power was. Malfoy constantly found himself growing sick of this power business, he didn't want power anymore, he wanted happiness. Happiness, something he thought he had everytime he insulted that blimy Mudblood. But inside, the insults became a plague on his mind making his stomach constantly lurching as he stared at her.

He took a step back from the mirror. It seemed to always have the ability to decode this thoughts and make him return again. As he exited the washroom, he walked down the corridor aimlessly, not knowing his next destination. The corridors were lined with dusty stones, Hogwarts was one of the places Malfoy felt at home. But most importantly, Malfoy felt a sense of safety. He was content knowing he could wander off at night and explore his thoughts and know no harm would come of it. His thoughts were always about one certain girl.

"Ron, stop it!" He heard her voice, matched with a small giggle. Malfoy felt the urge to smile, he wanted to join in on her laughter. He wanted to become a part of her life. But he knew he couldn't. He couldn't throw away his families values for a chance at pure happiness. Happiness was not respectable in the eyes of the Dark Lord. It wasn't the Dark Lord he feared, dying at his mercy would be an honor. It was his wretched father, the man who had raised him to become this cold, insensitive boy. Something he'd never wanted to be. Then there was his poor mother, drawn into a life of evil when all she had wanted was a family. Malfoy scoffed, his family was a pitiful one. Sometimes he envied the Weasley's, they were all so happy with their family. Though they were traitors, they still could draw the ability to laugh and smile out of that.

"I'm not doing anything!" Ron replied back jokingly. As Malfoy turned around the corner he saw Ron with her book hidden behind his back. He looked at him, grinning widely. As she reached for her book. Malfoy felt the familiar feeling of jealousy once again. His heart lurched as she continued to gaze at Ron. He saw something in her he never wanted to see. Love. He noticed how she stared at him, and it appeared as if she was memorizing his every motion and every intricate movement. What could she be thinking about looking at him? His auburn hair shone through the sunlight, his eyes were bright and full of life, and he looked like he had something. A soul.

"What do you want Malfoy?" She said bluntly taking into account Draco's prescence. She tilted her head and placed her hands on her hips, something he'd seen her do many times before. He held back a small smile as she continued to glare at him.

"Malfoy, what do you want!" Ron copied her voice standing closer to Hermoine and giving her back her book. He stood slightly infront of her as if he were guarding her. Little did he know, Draco would never hurt Hermoine. Although he had constantly insulted her, his words did not effect her anymore as she believed he was truly evil and under the influence of Voldemort. Ron withdrew his wand from under his robe, Malfoy tried to muster up a snide remark about the Weasley's finances. But as he opened his mouth, he saw Hermoine flinch. It broke his heart to see her react to that, and he just stared at her.

"Malfoy, I'm warning you!" Ron shouted at him as Malfoy stood in a daze. ".?!" He said even louder as Hermoine placed a hand on Ron's shoulder to stop him from becoming more riled up.

"Don't Ron." She said quietly, as she looked into Draco's eyes. Draco cowered away from her gaze, continuing down the corridor and escaping her prescence. He faintly heard the small echoes of Ron's concerns.

"What was that about?" Ron questioned as Hermoine paused to think. She felt trapped as the question escaped Ron's lips. Truthfully, Hermoine did not know but as she looked at Malfoy she felt something inside her. The stare of his eyes boring into her was enough to make her believe in him. Hermoine had felt hope within herself that Malfoy would not drown in Voldemort's wishes.

"There's something different about him." Hermoine said softly, and her mind became blank. Something that rarely happened for Hermoine Granger. She felt all her thoughts escaping her as she shook her head. Something about Malfoy had changed.


	2. 2

The grass was damp in the morning, dew dawned it as the sun fought to rise. The skies were cramped with fluffy white clouds. Hermoine smiled as she stared up at the sunrise, she felt a sense of relaxation and calmness override her previous feelings. Hermoine had tossed and turned during the night, something constantly on her mind. A feeling constantly overwhelming her.

She couldn't admit what she was truly thinking about to anyone, not even as herself. She knew the danger of this feeling, a danger she was permitted not to feel by association. She hated it. She hated the feeling of restriction placed upon her. She knew that the fight for the greater good was more important, she knew the world needed her more. As she looked up at the white clouds mixed with silver whisps she thought of someone. As she tried to avoid it, she looked down at the green grass and she saw the eyes she'd be trying to avoid. As she closed her eyes; she saw him once again.

She could not avoid him now, he had penetrated her organized mind and wedged himself between the thoughts of schoolwork and the darkness of the world. Hermoine knew she should've felt furious, she should've been a brooting and angry force. But she felt a tinge of comfort every time she saw him. It was like he was there, beside her, holding her hand and talking to her like he had never talked to anyone. He was there, letting her speak her true feelings and letting her reveal anything. He was not judging, he was not the cold-hearted boy she had come to know. He was the real him. And at that moment Hermoine felt a certain safety she hadn't in years.

---

Malfoy's eyes shot open from his sleep. He sat up, wiping the sweat from his forehead. His sleep was restless, though he had never slept well, he certainly felt that this was no regular night. There was something different about it. He felt awake the whole night, but it wasn't his usual dream. It wasn't the dreams of a disturbed boy, it was a dream of an optimist. Of someone innocent, of someone pure. Confused. Draco looked around the room, it was barely morning, and everyone else around him was asleep. The sunlight poked through the windows at him, as he sat there, his mind still racing.

He stood up, grabbing some clothes, and heading to the washroom to shower and rinse away his thoughts of the night. He felt the hot water beat down on him, but it didn't wash anything away. He closed his eyes attempting to gain peace. Then he was outside, he was standing looking up at the sky. And then he was looking down at the ground. He didn't have any control, his eyes were moving themselves. He was holding something in his hand, but as he attempted to look down he couldn't. He felt himself talking and listening. He was worried and scared at this moment. He snapped his eyes back open, and he was still in the shower.

Malfoy rushed, turning off the shower immeadiately and getting dressed. He felt the crispness of the morning air hit his damp face fiercly. A little bit of cold would not stop him, he knew there was something more to this vision. The sky was the same cloudy one he saw, the grass was still as vibrant as ever. As he walked down the bumpy hill curiously, he stopped abruptly in his tracks.

There she was. Looking up at the same sky he had seen moments before. She stood completely poised, in such proper position that he had come to known. He felt his lips curve upwards as he continued to stare at her. He took a step forward, as she turned.

He saw the brown eyes that had clouded his dreams. He saw the girl he couldn't keep his mind clear of how many times he tried. As they stared at eachother, he saw the way she looked at him. It was like she felt nothing, completely nothing at all. His mind flashed back to the way she looked at Weasley. As if he was something, as if he was everything.

Draco's happy expression turned to anger as he stalked away back to the school. Trying to forget the girl, trying to forget anything he had ever felt. Emotions were pointless, nothing came of them.


End file.
